Joke but pitiful

[dedndave]

on an unrelated note......

a couple jokes for you guys....

At Any Given Moment:

FACT #1: 79,000,000 people are engaged in sex - right now!

FACT #2: 58,000,000 are kissing.

FACT #3: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.

FACT #4: 1 lonely old guy is reading this in the masm32 forum.

[dedndave]

A  young farm couple, Homer and Darlene, got married and just couldn't seem

To get enough lovin'.  In the morning, before Homer left the house for the

Fields, they made love.  When Homer came back from the fields, they made

Love.  And again at bedtime, they made love.

The problem was their nooner;  it took Homer a half hour to travel home and

Another half hour to return to the fields and he just wasn't getting enough

Work done.  Finally Homer asked the family doctor what to do.

"Homer," said the  doctor, "Just take your rifle out to the field with you

And when you're in the mood, fire off a shot into the air.  That will be

Darlene's signal to come out to you.  Then you won't lose any field time."

They tried Doc's advice and it worked well for a while.  Homer came back to

The doctor's office.

"What's wrong?" asked the Doc.  "Didn't my idea work?"

"Oh, it worked real good," said Homer.  "Whenever I was in the mood, I fired

Off a shot like you said and Darlene'd come runnin'.  We'd find a secluded

Place, make love, and then she'd go back home again."

"Good, Homer. So what's the problem?" asked the Doc.

"I ain't seen her since huntin' season started."

[dedndave]

ok - one more - this one made me laugh out loud   :lol

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

Then he married the one with the biggest boobs.