Boy says to his father. I am considering a life in crime.
Father - Government or Private Sector. :bg
Hutch if you object let me know....
Shankle,
As you've probably noticed,...Hutch's joke standards are pretty high here at the MASM Forum,....
I once posted a joke that was absolutely horrible,...and, I had to issue a public apology,...
I don't think Hutch ever forgave me for it,... :eek
Hutch LOVES his camel jokes, though,...but, I think there's only one funny one out there,...
And,...we've all heard it,...
...In theory,...it should generate moderator intervention (or, a PORN ALERT),...
lol
this particular one is right in line with Hutch's thinking, though
The optimal technique is just to steal DAVE's jokes,... :eek
Unfortunately, DAVE has had ONLY ONE GOOD JOKE (http://www.masm32.com/board/index.php?topic=12523.0).
Jack,
Don't listen to them, its a great joke. :U
Quote from: shankle on July 01, 2011, 08:30:58 PM
Boy says to his father. I am considering a life in crime.
Father - Government or Private Sector. :bg
Hutch if you object let me know....
a smart father answer:
"OK son, but remember, crime life in the private sector will lead you to Jail, poverty, and shame., Crime life in government Will lead you to congress, riches and being called world leader"
(at least in America) :dazzled: :dazzled: :dazzled:
Carlos
Well said Carlos and so true and pathetic
hey - i have lots of good jokes :bg
here is one of my favorites
http://www.masm32.com/board/index.php?topic=12523.msg96806#msg96806
i have gotten a lot of good "mileage" out that joke :P
Sorry to encroach on your turf Dave. Didn't know you had the jokes all tied up :bg
Actually, DAVE is pretty funny. But, if you're thinking of searching DAVEs greatest hits for stuff that is entertaining,...think about this:
Alot of DAVEs posts are difficult to categorize (or, decode accurately). Many times, I've read one of his posts and wondered,...'What was that ???'
I think he's got some kind of advanced algorithm that generates text with secret messages to extraterrestrials embedded in them,... :eek
This can be really confusing for us assembly programmers that actually ARE extraterrestrials,... :eek
i can't put all my best material in here
Hutch would pitch a fit :P
I accidentally stumbled upon this story on the internet:
Joanna Kirchmeier told The Sun newspaper in England (Jan 2010) that she was "shocked" to find her husband Helmut transfixed in front of a mirror in their London home.
"He was just like a zombie staring at himself," she said.
"His pupils had gone really small, which is a sign of someone under hypnosis."
Helmut was practising hypnosis in a mirror and had unintentionally put himself in a trance for five hours.
Mrs Kirchmeier said the only way she could bring her husband back was to call one of his teachers to talk him round over the phone.
Helmut said the last thing he remembered before falling into a trance was "getting up at 10am".
"I underestimated the techniques and how powerful they were," he said.
"I had seen it on TV and thought it was a right big spoof.
"I started reading and learning about it and it turns out it is not a big spoof at all."
I do that in front of my computer screen.... Sometimes it lasts into the late early hours of the morning...
What's worse.... Even though I know it's a bad idea.... I keep doing it every day....
PETER,
Damn, I think I've developed the same syndrome.
I'll bet,...if there was such a device as a USB port pupil monitor...equipped with anti-hypnosis alarm,...
I'd be in some kind of lost Twilight Zone Episode, that was just an eternity of flashing red lights and screeching, high-decibel alarms,...
here is a pic of the guy....
(http://resources3.news.com.au/images/2010/01/07/1225816/924927-hannibal-helmurto.jpg)
1) can't believe the guy has a wife
2) the world may be better off if he is in a trance :bg
on an unrelated note......
a couple jokes for you guys....
QuoteAt Any Given Moment:
FACT #1: 79,000,000 people are engaged in sex - right now!
FACT #2: 58,000,000 are kissing.
FACT #3: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.
FACT #4: 1 lonely old guy is reading this in the masm32 forum.
QuoteA young farm couple, Homer and Darlene, got married and just couldn't seem
To get enough lovin'. In the morning, before Homer left the house for the
Fields, they made love. When Homer came back from the fields, they made
Love. And again at bedtime, they made love.
The problem was their nooner; it took Homer a half hour to travel home and
Another half hour to return to the fields and he just wasn't getting enough
Work done. Finally Homer asked the family doctor what to do.
"Homer," said the doctor, "Just take your rifle out to the field with you
And when you're in the mood, fire off a shot into the air. That will be
Darlene's signal to come out to you. Then you won't lose any field time."
They tried Doc's advice and it worked well for a while. Homer came back to
The doctor's office.
"What's wrong?" asked the Doc. "Didn't my idea work?"
"Oh, it worked real good," said Homer. "Whenever I was in the mood, I fired
Off a shot like you said and Darlene'd come runnin'. We'd find a secluded
Place, make love, and then she'd go back home again."
"Good, Homer. So what's the problem?" asked the Doc.
"I ain't seen her since huntin' season started."
ok - one more - this one made me laugh out loud :lol
QuoteA man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then he married the one with the biggest boobs.